I guess I should put my cards on the table. I used to be a contract killer and hacker. I took jobs and I didn't care who it hurt.
[ Root sounds forthright, like she's not hiding but also not proud, either. ]
Now, my story isn't as exciting as yours, what with your laser sword and your ability to choke people from across a room, but I know something about choosing to be a different person.
Now Visas understands. Like Atton, like Mira, like Bao-Dur... the broken people who found and were found by the Jedi Exile. Root is from a different place and time, but she is one of them.]
Then you can understand, perhaps... how frightening it is to be flung back to that time, that person you no longer wished to be.
[ That's an interesting statement, one it takes her a bit to parse and formulate a reply to. ]
That wasn't so long ago for me, [ she says wryly. ] But everything I've done, I've done on purpose. I get how losing control would feel different.
[ Despite her perky flirting, Root absolutely gets that. Every act of violence she's ever committed has been perfectly deliberate, totally clear-eyed; no excuses. If she simply lashed out against her own will -- that would be horrifying, its own kind of violation. ]
It is strange to recollect it. I have been unsettled by the falsity of the "life" around us ever since I first arrived. Maybe if we had real things around us, I would have noticed that I was thinking in a strange way, instead of just progressing further down a dark path I was already on.
My actions at the time made perfect sense to me. It was only after the corruption lifted that I realized what was wrong.
That really bothers you that much? [ If she's used to experiencing all of reality that way, then... ] It must be extremely disorienting. I've always thought of existence as a little more malleable than that.
But you said the rest of us register as alive you, didn't you? [ She's thinking about how to handle it if the corruption affects her again. ]
The simulation is enough to fool my physical senses. Touch, hearing, taste, smell. If every sense of yours but one told you the world was one way, and your eyes showed you something totally other, would you not be unsettled?
You do register as alive. I can see the Force in you--the way it is in a thing that is truly alive. Moving in it, through it.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2024-10-24 04:15 pm (UTC)[ Root sounds forthright, like she's not hiding but also not proud, either. ]
Now, my story isn't as exciting as yours, what with your laser sword and your ability to choke people from across a room, but I know something about choosing to be a different person.
no subject
on 2024-10-30 05:02 pm (UTC)Now Visas understands. Like Atton, like Mira, like Bao-Dur... the broken people who found and were found by the Jedi Exile. Root is from a different place and time, but she is one of them.]
Then you can understand, perhaps... how frightening it is to be flung back to that time, that person you no longer wished to be.
no subject
on 2024-10-31 12:47 am (UTC)That wasn't so long ago for me, [ she says wryly. ] But everything I've done, I've done on purpose. I get how losing control would feel different.
[ Despite her perky flirting, Root absolutely gets that. Every act of violence she's ever committed has been perfectly deliberate, totally clear-eyed; no excuses. If she simply lashed out against her own will -- that would be horrifying, its own kind of violation. ]
no subject
on 2024-11-07 06:10 pm (UTC)My actions at the time made perfect sense to me. It was only after the corruption lifted that I realized what was wrong.
no subject
on 2024-11-08 02:40 pm (UTC)But you said the rest of us register as alive you, didn't you? [ She's thinking about how to handle it if the corruption affects her again. ]
no subject
on 2024-11-08 06:23 pm (UTC)You do register as alive. I can see the Force in you--the way it is in a thing that is truly alive. Moving in it, through it.
no subject
on 2024-11-09 10:21 pm (UTC)[ Nosy? For sure. Root isn't shy with people she's interested in. ]
So let's say this happens again -- can we use that somehow to help you regain control? That we're registering correctly to you?
no subject
on 2024-11-18 06:26 pm (UTC)[Seem to be dealing it with it pretty well. Maybe. She has grown accustomed to it, as one does with a foul smell.]
For now, I have no choice but to accept this strange circumstance. That is how I am dealing with it.